Today was disturbing and quite creepy. Fucking creepers man. Give me the creeps.
March 21, 2013
Yesterday, I went on an amazing date with my wonderful girlfriend :D She called to wake me up around 11 because our date starts around 1! She took forever to find out what to wear but in the end, my bebs looked HAWT anyways ;) We went to khols and got me a nice tie because none of my ties looked good on me and we got my bebs this sexy thang that made her even more HAWT.
Got to the movies around 2pm and the movie started at 2:30. We went to go see OZ: THE GREAT AND POWERFUL! It was a really good movie :D Funny too. hahaha. (moooooo) after the movie we went to Olive Garden cause my bebs wanted to go there. :) It was actually pretty darn good! and our waiter was a nice funny lady so I gave her a $11 tip x) I’m only cheap when I want to be. Anyways~ I had the Grilled Chicken Caesar salad while my bebs had some Ravioli Beef thing. Nom Nom Nom. SOOO GOOOOOD. ME WANT MORE FOOD. (from Olive Garden)
We ate and enjoyed our meals and then we left~ We go to McDonalds to check our schedules and leave to go to the park and enjoy all the ratchets there :D Then we finally go home and gave my bebs kisses goodbye~ Muwah!
Love you bebs~ thanks for the wonderful day~~
P.S. Next Time, WE EAT PHO!
February 23, 2013
Today I woke up and my girlfriend was at my bedroom door! :D Omgah, it was so weird waking up and seeing her right away. What a great way to start my morning ! ;) I got to cuddle with my baby in my bed too and on top of all that, she got me food from McDonalds breakfast! ^-^ yaaay~ Nom nom nom. I love my babe ;D She took this picture on my laptop when I was in the bathroom haha. She cute. Best morning ever!
I’m a couple days late. Anywho, Friday I happened to have the car cause my sister was going to go out that night and gave me the car. I had work from 11-5pm and I asked you if you wanted to go see Warm Bodies that night. You were afraid that your mom would say no because it was so last minute but in the end, she said yes. :)
I got off work, grabbed some McDonalds around 6pm. That damn McDonalds on Ann and Simmons.. I swear, piss me off. Never get anything right. I pump gas and then went to come get you. I picked you up around 7:05 then we went to the movies. We were kind of late for the 7:15 showing so we went to the 7:45 instead.
It was a funny movie. Some funny moments were totally not expected hahaha. The movie was more of a love story than actual action. I enjoyed it. It was a different kind of movie haha. I enjoyed being next to you the entire time with you snuggling me. You were holding on to me the entire time. ^-^ +1
Your curfew was 10pm. The movie ended around 9:40ish and we went straight back to your house. I would loved to go out to eat something together but we didn’t have enough time. I dropped you off at 9:53! super close! haha. We still made it though :P
Well, that was our little movie night together. :D
Watching those videos yesterday made me miss you a lot. I still remember those days where we got that whole class period together cause you were using that as a study hall kind of thing and I was just in there because I had open periods and the teacher knew me from sophomore year and didn’t mind I was there. To be honest, we went through a lot. I remember those days where you would tell me about things.. and I could see you holding back your tears and your hate. I saw all different sides of you on all levels. It always made me happy to see you enjoying yourself and actually showing some sign of happiness. Those videos were a good example of it. We had a lot of days like that, just us. It’s depressing to think about it now and you’re not even around and that life, those memories are all done and gone. None remade or new ones to be. It’s like it all just suddenly stopped. I really wish things could of been different. I always find myself thinking about our funny moments and our talks from time to time because everything I talk about with other people, we already have covered.
I’d remember having a bad day or being in a grumpy mood and just looking forward to coming to class because I always knew we’d have a good day whether or not we did our work or not. haha. I miss that feeling. Oh well. Life goes on. Those videos are just good memories to look back on.
You are so beautiful. Seeing pictures of you during late nights like these when you aren’t around to talk to me, make me smile like a loser by myself.
I’m just surprised that I have a chance with you.. someone so cute and beautiful. Your eyes, your lips, your hair, your cheeks, your body, your hands.. all so beautiful. I love all of it. The best part of all this is, you’re mine. Only mine. I want to keep you for me and only me. I don’t want anyone else. Just you.
Just you and me.
Although, it can’t be perfect. There are faults in our relationship. I can’t deny that. Things you have done to me. Things I will probably never let go of.
Sometimes I think that’s what is holding me back.. or if I am even being held back by something.. it’d be that.
I don’t know. But when I see you sometimes and think.. I think about just you. Not about us. Not about you and me.. just you. And things seem so much more different.
My favorite part of the day was snuggling with you face to face. Sleeping with you and waking up to see your body in front of me and your arms wrapped around me.. it was wonderful. I loved giving you kisses and seeing your smile and having my arms around you. I felt butterflies. Butterflies that I haven’t felt in awhile to be honest.. but I liked it. a lot. I loved it and I love you. Waking up and seeing you there was my favorite. It made me really happy. I actually felt like one of those cute couples in love~ haha.
I just want you to love me and only me. I don’t want to think you are looking at other people even though it might look like it.. I don’t. I love you. so much.
Sometimes I get really irritated with you and feel so frustrated.. but at night when you are sleeping and I take a glance at you.. you’re so beautiful and I just want to keep you to myself.
I’m afraid people will come to you and take you away without you realizing it because you say things just happen.. kind of like you and me I’m guessing.
I don’t want to keep you if you don’t want to be with me. I just really love you. I know you love me too.
“The only girl I have ever loved is with the guy I used to respect the most.”
Today.. your words were ringing in my mind. Even though I did not hear the words from you, I could hear your voice.
To be honest I felt like crying thinking about it all.
I realized something. I’ve been thinking for awhile now about it and I find that..
The plan that happened now was making sure everyone made it out fine and making her happy and that happened. That’s all I wanted. Now that it’s all okay now and everyone made it out okay.. If I drift away and everyone comes back together.. that would be okay now right? I’ve done what I planned on happening. If I broke up with her right now, she could go back and easily be accepted. I could drift away like my original plan from everyone and everyone will be happy again. They wouldn’t really mind, I looked like the bad guy anyways. I’m drifting away from everyone now whether I want to or not now. Why pity me?
I feel like I am just a person there. Just here. I entered this situation and I have dealt with it. I feel like I am just a person here to help. Now that I have done what I have done to help, I get nothing and everyone can be happy again.
Maybe all these years of knowing all of you people was leading to this problem.. Maybe that’s why I became such close friends to you all so I could help with the problem.. and the only one who would say anything was me. I feel like it was up to me to say anything because God knows I can’t keep such a secret and be okay with it.
It’s all better now though right? I can rest? Not yet? Maybe?
but I fell in love and now I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to let go just yet. Can’t I feel happy once during this?
but I forget again, I’m the bad guy.
And here I find myself, at a dead end.